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Don't Kill the Messenger (for some reason)

Last week, the party remembered1 that a half-orc named Barbie2 followed them out of Orsus on their journey to the abandoned mines. Or more precisely, he followed Kelsa, who happened to be travelling with the party. You can ask him about the details.

Back in the abandoned mine, the party decided that the correct response to having two people die in front of them was to immediately run for the hills. On their way out of the tunnel, they encountered a female mage flanked by skeletons blocking their path. She introduced herself as Antimony, and started to explain that she just wanted to talk, but was interrupted by Lorelai attacking. She angrily insisted that she wasn't trying to hurt the party, and was just trying to escape her servitude to the real necromancer. To prove this, she commanded the skeletons to stop blocking the party's access to the exit.

The party stopped attacking her, and was willing to trust her enough to try to escape with her, but remained unsure she was on their side. The debate over Antimony's allegiances came to a resolution when a dark and sinister voice yelled "HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME" and commanded undead horrors to kill her, which was considered convincing evidence that she was in fact on their side. The party ran for the door, bringing Antimony with them. Lorelai and Pabst slammed the doors back on the skeletons, giving Antimony time to chain the doors closed. During this combat, an unknown human warrior ran into the tunnel. The party pondered attacking him, but since he wasn't surrounded by skeletons, they decided it was unnecessary as long as he didn't attack them. When Antimony finished sealing the doors, the party ran for the hills, taking her and the warrior with them.

Outside the cave, the warrior introduced himself as Maxwell. He had been monitoring the abandoned mines. Before the party could learn more about Crumbum and Antimony, they were interrupted by the arrival of a horse carrying an disreputable-looking wood elf. The party yelled at the elf to stop and explain himself, but he ignored their commands. The party nearly attacked him, but just before he got within range, he tried to leap off his horse heroically to land in front of them. This went poorly, and he instead face-planted off his horse and slid ten feet, covering himself in dirt and grime. Seeing this, the party gave him a chance to explain himself3. The elf explained that he was Crumbum, a messenger from the town of Orsus, and that everything was doomed. He held out a slightly grimy letter for them to read.

The letter was from Winston, the mayor of Orsus. It explained that Torvid, the bandit leader, had attacked the town of Orsus4. Without food, the town was unable to sustain a seige, and Winston had negotiated the town's surrender without major fighting. The town's inhabitants were travelling south, trying to reach the safety of civilization, while Torvid's bandits now freely roamed the north coast.

Winston explained that he needed the party to do two things for him. First, they needed to travel to the town of Theolus and establish control of the town. Theolus is the next major town south of Orsus, and the bandits would almost certainly pass through Theolus on their way to civilization. To demonstrate their control, the party must light a signal fire at noon in four days. Second, after establishing control of the town, they must travel into the Faen Woods and kill Torvid's shaman while the main bandit force is away. To help with those challenges, the letter also included the location of a weapons cache Winston had established some time ago. In addition to various magical weapons and gold, the weapons cache included a Travelstone which could return the party to the capitol, Kilrein.

The party read the letter and pondered their next move. Balrox separated from the party and headed directly south. The rest decided to go to the weapons cache and travel to Theolus, but were unsure whether to travel into the Faen Woods. With some hesitation, they took Crumbum with them and set off for the weapons cache.

After a day of travel, the party found the weapons cache exactly as described, and geared up. Crumbum inexplicably and uselessly attacked the party twice, and found himself tied to his horse for the rest of the journey to Theolus.

Several more days of travel later, the party found themselves at Theolus on the night before they needed to light the signal fire. Theolus appeared intact, with the notable exception of a large hole in the north wall. The party cautiously approached the hole, and Amanita's attunement to tremors in the earth revealed the presence of an ambush and traps on the other side of the wall. The party pondered how to deal with this, and decided that the best approach was to send the horse carrying Crumbum5 into the town to draw attention while the rest of the party made battle preparations6.

When Crumbum and his horse entered the town, hidden kobolds7 and slightly confused hobgoblins8 lept out from hiding to attack, and battle was joined. The party fared well, thanks in part to Balrox leaping out from hiding and dropping onto the hobgoblin leader. The hobgoblins surrendered when the party took the upper hand, and were quickly bound. Interrogation of the hobgoblin leader, Kaler, revealed that they had taken the town without a fight, and that a scouting party was due back soon. The party knocked out the other hobgoblins, but was unsure what to do with them.

Show up this week to celebrate winning a battle without having anyone die!9

  1. Yes, this was slightly awkward.
  2. His actual name is Butch, but he prefers Barbie. Which says a lot, really.
  3. Although this was not evidence that the elf wasn't hostile, it was evidence that he wasn't threatening.
  4. The attack did not come from the air.
  5. Who was, of course, bound and helpless.
  6. The strategy that various members of the party took to deal with ambushers behind a wall reveals much about their personality. Maxwell held back to shoot people from afar. Kelsa and Antimony climbed the wall to get higher ground. Amanita, Pabst, and Lorelai decided to push the wall over to crush their puny foes.
  7. Small, scrawny reptilian creatures with draconic heritage.
  8. Like goblins, except large, muscley, and organized. So not like goblins at all, really.
  9. Except Crumbum's horse.

Stupid Awards

Pabst Lorelai Antimony Balrox Kelsa Amanita Maxwell Crumbum Barbie
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